Daily Prophet Special Edition
by DnG The Blind Guy
Summary: Attempted murder, illegal potions, line theft, soul bonds, it's all there. Covered by Rita Skeeter.


Disclaimer:

The characters appearing in the following piece of fan fiction belong to JK Rowling, although I don't think that she'd want to after the following article posted in the Daily Prophet.

A/N: I was cleaning some files on my computer and found this little gem that I created over two years ago. Enjoy and if you feel inspired, leave a review.

Daily Prophet Special Edition

July 27, 1996

Murder And Line Theft Attempt Foiled!

It has been disclosed to this paper through pensive memories what the so called leader of the light and one of the greatest light sided families have tried to do. Through intensive acts of manipulation and the abundant use of love and loyalty potions, those pictured above almost succeeded in destroying the longest living magical family alive today. The so called plan was to control a young Harry Potter into confessing his love for a Miss Ginevra Molly Weasley and with the aid of a ffertility potion, ensure that the young Miss Weasley was pregnant. Once this was complete, Mr. Potter, who was under the influence of a loyalty potion keyed to Albus Dumbledore, Mr. Potter was to be directed to a confrontation with the dark lord Voldemort. And once the confrontation was over, Mr. Potter would be dead, because Mr. Potter had not received any specific training to battle a wizard of Lord Voldemort's abilities.

But that's not where the murder charge stems from. Sorry ladies, but Mr. Potter is off the market, permanently. The reason: Mr. Potter and longtime gal pal, Miss Hermione Jean Granger share a soul bond and we all know the consequences of trying to destroy that type of bond...nearly instant death for the blessed couple. Hence the attempted murder charge.

Healers at St. Mungos have discovered that Headmaster Dumbledore is suffering from a disease called the Merlin complex, a rare disease that confunds the afflicted into believing that they are the greatest wizard to live since Merlin himself of which there is no known cure. See Page 7 for more details on the disease known as the Merlin Complex.

For those readers that can't see the two photos above because of a restriction charm protecting the underaged , there are two separate photos depicting acts of debauchery at its finest. Mr. Ronald Billius Weasley has been captured in full rut with his own mother, Mrs. Molly Weasley nee Prewitt. The other photo depicts similar actions, only this time, the occupants of the photo are none other than the esteemed Headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Grand Sorceror and Chief Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, ICW for short, the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot and the youngest child of the Weasley family, Miss Ginevra Molly Weasley. Try not to be offended folks, the footage of each photo lasts for at least twenty-five minutes and is quite graphic. Secretus Revelo cast at the pictures will remove any charms revealing what the four accused don't want displayed. Parents, we caution you against revealing any of this footage to your children, severe mental brain damage may be caused as a result of exposure.

Further pensive memories showed that Albus Dumbledore was going to wait in the shadows until the battle was over and then he was going to strike the victor down in cold blood, sealing his goal to become the Greatest Light Wizard Known since Merlin himself.

Is it me, dear readers, or does our esteemed leader of the light suffer from I'm to high and mighty syndrome, or the my greater good idea is the one and only important idea out there? It begs an answer don't you think.

The participation of Mrs. Molly Weasley nee Prewitt has some history behind it folks. We ask our readers to remember that the Prewitt family lost their status of ancient and noble when they were caught in an attempted line theft charge back in 1823. It turns out that Georgina Prewitt, Molly's grandmother used a love/lust potion on an unsuspecting James Harold Potter, who was married at the time, to try and secure a way into the Potter family and fortune. It was found out that murder was also to be part of the game and when Miss Weasley was literally caught with her pants down, the resultant trial stripped the Prewitt of their status and their considerable, all be it tiny in comparrison fortune and it was given to the Potters as recompense. It seems dear readers that history is trying to repeat itself, and like before, the guilty parties were caught with their pants down, again.

Mr. Potter, with his soul mate, Hermione Granger, at his side, who created the soul bond over the previous Christmas holidays when they finally admitted their feelings for each other and sealed their fates with a kiss, had this to say: "I am supposed to be the chosen one, the one that is charged to bring down Voldemort because he is this all consuming dark lord. Well let me state this, with a light side as dark as it is, just how dark is this lord Voldemort anyways. Its like a chess game between him and I, one that has been set up by Albus Dumbledore overseeing the moves, controlling all the participants. I am extending a hand to lord Voldemort in invitation to sit down and discuss our futures. Is this dark lord as evil as he is made out to be, or has our great leader of the light really pulled one over on all of us? The invitation is to be held in Gringotts at noon tomorrow, if lord Voldemort accepts. It has been rumored that no action will be taken by either party, as Gringotts is considered neutral territory. We as readers can only hope that the future of wizardingkind will be safe.

When Hermione was finished reading the Daily Prophet, she looked over at the love of her life and said, "Rita did an excellent job. She managed to writed it exactly the way we wanted it written and the photos that Bozo captured were magnificent, leaving little to the imagination."

Harry snorted at Hermione's comment and replied, "Hope the bastards get everything that's coming to them. That's twice now that the Prewitt family have tried a line theft on my family. Little do they know what really happened though."

Flashback...

Number 12, Grimold Place...

July 25, 1996...

Harry and Hermione sat snuggled together on the sofa in the Black family library sharing the occasional kiss while they read up on the animagus transformation, a book they had discovered on one of the shelves in the back of the library. It turned out to be a journal of the Marauders notes on their animagus transformations. Their six-month relationship wasn't sitting to well with the Weasleys, Molly, Ron and Ginny specifically, and Headmaster Dumbledore.

Ron and Ginny had stormed out of the library not five minutes before, headed to the kitchen for something to eat. At that moment, Harry looked at Hermione and asked if they should go and check on their friends. After agreeing that they should, Hermione took Harry's hand and led him to the secret stairwell they had found in the back of the library. The knowledge of the stairwell had come to Harry after a visit to Gringotts and he had become the new Lord Black. The hidden stairwell led up and down to all floors with an entrance in the pantry just off of the kitchen, the entrance in the library on the second floor, a hidden entrance on the third floor in the storage closet and an entrance in the master bedroom on the fourth floor.

As they came down the stairs into the pantry, they both heard lots and lots and lots of shouting. They heard Professor Dumbledors voice,and Molly's, Ron's and Ginny's voices as well. What they heard made them stop in their tracks, cold shivers running up and down their spines.

Albus, you have to stop this nonsense, I can't believe that Harry has fallen for that mud blood bitch, he's supposed to be in love with my Ginny here.

I know, I know Molly, said Albus, and with the improvements that I have managed to make to your love potions, we should have Miss Weasley and Mr. Potter in love in no time at all. I have managed to take your love potion and blend it with a loyalty potion keyed to myself. And once we secure hairs from Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione, our plans will be back on.

Oh thank God, Molly whined. I can't wait to get my hands back on my families fortune that those blasted Potters stole from us all those years ago.

And I can't wait until I have that mud blood bitch crying out my name while I claim her, stated Ron.

Please tell me again mom, why I have to have sex with the mud blood lover, Ginny asked.

Because dear, you need to get pregnant so that we can control the Potter fortune once Harry is killed, right Albus.

Correct as always Molly. If Harry doesn't die at Voldemorts hands, then I will finish the job, claiming the victory over Voldemort saying that it was a pity that poor Mr. Potter was killed in the final battle with Voldemort, but he had weakened him to the point that I was able to finish him off, but alas, young Mr. Potter succumbed to his injuries before I was able to get him any help.

And because I am pregnant, that marriage contract that we have made up, along with his premade will, states that we stand to inherit everything and as I will be carrying the next Potter heir, it will be ironclad and no one will be able to take it away from us.

That's right dear. Now Albus, where are the potions Albus, I will have to get them ready to give them to Harry and Hermione.

Here, there is a years supply here, but don't add the hairs until needed, the potions are only good for 6 hours once the final ingredients are added.

Here then Albus, let me put them in the pantry for safe keeping, the two little shits won't know what hit them before the week is over.

Harry looked at Hermione and they both quietly made it back into the stairwell and closed the secret door just before Molly opened the pantry door to store the new potions.

Three hours later...

Do you think the plan will work Harry?

Of course it will my love, Harry said, as he tied the letter to Hedwig's leg. Rita is one to pounce on any story and this one is definitely juicy.

Do you think inviting her here is a wise choice?

Well, since Dobby will bring her here if she agrees, then I think it will. She won't know where here is, so the fidelius will be intact, so she won't be able to return, and she will have the story of a lifetime and you and I will be able to start on our new lives from these effing oppressors.

Did Dobby manage to get us samples of those hairs that we asked for?

Yes he did, Harry said. And now all we have to do is put them in the potions.

Dinner that night at Grimold Place was a rauccous affair. The majority of the Order of the Phoenix was there, Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagal, Professor Snape, Mundungus Fletcher, Nimphodora don't call me that Tonks, Kingsley Shaklebolt, Alistor Mad Eye Moody, Remus Lupine as well as all of the Weasleys, minus Bill, Charley and Percy, and of course, Harry and Hermione. Molly was silently fuming because Dobby and Winky refused to let her serve the meal. Therefore, she was unable to lace Harry and Hermione's drinks with the potions. Little did she know however, that the drinks of the four conspirators were spiked and ready to go for later, their well laid plans were about to backfire. A slight compulsion potion fed to the remaining occupants, made sure that all of the guests would depart immediately after the meal was complete and the scheduled Order of the Phoenix meeting was over.

Harry and Hermione were sitting side by side, holding hands under the table while trying not to laugh out loud at the situation that was about to unfold. Rita Skeeter had responded favourably to the letter that had been sent earlier and she was upstairs with her photographer at the moment, setting up the coming photo op. Dobby had made sure that access to all but the two rooms that would provide the nights entertainment had been sealed off, so when the action was to begin, there was only the two rooms to go to.

On Queue, Remus said his good byes and was the last occupant to leave the house, leaving Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny sitting in the front room playing Exploding Snap, while Mrs. Weasley was in the kitchen busying herself with the drinks that she was lacing with her potions. Unseen and unknown to her, Dobby was silently observing what the evil woman was up to and had his own six glasses of pumpkin juice ready to go. Then she headed out of the kitchen and met up with the headmaster before the two of them entered the front room with the kids.

Albus began to talk to the four kids while Molly handed out the drinks to her intended recipients. The moment that the last glass was placed, Dobby snapped his fingers and replaced Molly's spiked drinks with his own versions, signaled his master and disappeared with a huge grin on his face. Not only was his master the greatest wizard in the world, but his miss Hermione was the most cunning and conniving as well.

"Now Harry and Miss Granger, I have some bad news for the two of you. It is not wise for the two of you to be a couple for reasons that I cannot divulge at this time. However, it has been decided that Mr. Weasley and Miss Weasley would be better suited for the job in the interim."

"What are you saying headmaster?" asked Hermione.

"What I am trying to say is that it isn't safe for you and Mr. Potter to be dating. Both of you are considered targets and are numbers one and two on Voldemort's hit list. It would be much easier to protect the pair of you if Miss Weasley were to be seen as Mr. Potter's girlfriend while you were to be seen on the arm of Mr. Weasley."

Both Ron and Ginny were shaking their heads emphatically while the headmaster was explaining this tid bit of information with their soon to be lovers. Mrs. Weasley had a chesshire cat-like grin spread across her face, while thoughts of wealth and status were once again over running her limited mental faculties. The four conspirators took a sip of there drinks while Harry and Hermione watched on, sipping on their own drinks from time to time.

"Are you sure about this headmaster?" asked Hermione once more. "I'm pretty sure that Harry and I are meant to be together. I mean, that blinding white light and all after we kissed for the first time must have some meaning. My research in the library says that we may have a soul bond forming between us."

"I have checked the hall of records where all soul bonds are recorded and there is no record of a bond between you and Mr. Potter," replied Albus, knowing full well of the entry that he had magically removed. Little did he know that five minutes later, it had reappeared in the book, it was a magical bond after all, a bond that was determined before the two souls were even born.

Harry and Hermione observed the first telltale signs that the potions were starting to work on the four conspirators as first Ron and Ginny started fidgeting on the couch and casting furtive glances at Molly and Albus respectively. Then Molly took the copy of the Daily Prophet that was sitting on the end table and started fanning herself, while Albus pulled out his blue and purple handkerchief and started wiping at his brow. That was the sign that both teenagers were waiting for. Hermione and Harry both spoke up and stated that it had been a long day and that they were heading for bed and that they would think about the headmaster's idea and give them an answer in the morning.

As Harry and Hermione entered their respective rooms on the second floor, the ones that they shared with the youngest Weasleys, Albus spoke up and said, "I think that you should join your new partners, don't you think."

Molly was nodding her head in agreement as her two children rose and raced to the stairs, intent on fulfilling their parts of the plans. As the kids raced up the stairs though, Molly's and Albus' eyes started glazing over as the lust potions keyed to Ron and Ginny started to take effect and within seconds of the bedroom doors upstairs closing, the two adults were on their feet and racing up the stairs in hot pursuit.

Ron was inside Hermione's room, advancing on her when the door burst open behind him admitting Molly. In the two seconds that it took for him to turn and face his mother, Winky popped in silently, grabbed Hermione and popped her to the master bedroom on the third floor just as silently. Within moments however, the mother and son were in an embrace with their tongues stuck down each other's throats. Then Winky popped back in and activated the wizarding camera that Bozo had set up to record the events.

Across the hall, Ginny had just closed the door and was sashaying her way across the room to Harry's bed when the door burst open, admitting Albus. Ginny made a tiny eep at the intrusion, but when she turned to face the newcomer, she lost all coherent thought as the potion that she had intended for Harry to take, took full effect. Of course, it was no longer keyed to her and coursing through Harry's body, instead, it was keyed to the headmaster and it was on turbo mode as it sped through her system. The last coherent thought that ran through her mind as she ripped open her blouse was 'Holy Fuck, its Gandalf! and he's about to make love to me."

Dobby had popped in, removed Harry, popped back in and activated the camera and popped back out while the initial five second exchange had transpired between Ginny and the headmaster. Dobby had to request a brain bleach from his master though as Ginny had managed to cast Albus' robes aside and had a certain item in hand before the camera was activated.

While the exploits of the four conspirators were going on in the two lower bedrooms, Harry and Hermione were in the master bedroom, giving the interview to an excited Rita Skeeter, while Bozo was in the next room doing indecent things while watching the live feed that was being sent to the two portable viewing screens that had been set up for the night's events.

Daily Prophet Special Edition

July 29, 1996

Peace Treaty Signed, Co-Ministers of Magic

Ladies and Gentleman, supportive fans and devoted readers, the second war is over. In a precedentted meeting between Lord Harry James Potter Black, Heir of Godric Gryffindor and Helga Hufflepuff, and Lord Tom Marvolo Riddle, formerly known as Lord Voldemort, the Heir of Salazar Slytherin and recently discovered heir of Rowena Ravenclaw, signed a peace treaty yesterday in blood. It ended the war between the pure-bloods and the rest of the magical world for the past thirty plus years. They sat down behind closed doors yesterday and settled their differences. Rumour has it that Albus Dumbledore was in cahoots with Cornelius Fudge and Lucius Malfoy to take over the wizarding world and make it illegal for any person not of pure blood to be a part of it, but the documents and pensive memories have not been made public yet.

The Wizengamot is supposed to sit in a special full session tomorrow and both Mr. Potter and Mr. Riddle are rumoured to be sworn in as the new co-ministers of magic as they have taken a magical vow to work together and bring the wizarding world out of the Victorian Age and bring us all kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. Details of that closed door session will be displayed at a later date.

In related news, Albus Dumbledore to be charged with will tampering, child endangerment, illegal legilimency probes, misuse of authority, attempted murder of the heads of two ancient and noble houses, sex with a minor. See pages 2, 3, 4 for further details.

In related news, Lucius Malfoy to be charged with several murders, bribery of government officials, extortion, unlawful enforcement. See pages 8, 9, 10 for further details.

In related news, Cornelius Fudge to be charged with abuse of authority, accepting bribes while an elected official, unlawful enforcement. See pages 5, 6 for further details.

For further information on the history of the Prewitt family and their fall from grace. See pages 15, 16 for more details.

In other news: Molly Weasley nee Prewitt to be charged with sex with a minor, incest with a minor, illegal brewing and possession of Class 5 potions, attempted line theft. See pages 11, 12, 13, 14 for further details.

In other news, Molly Weasley expecting, AGAIN. See Page 17 for more details.

In other news, Youngest Weasley pregnant...Gandalf is the father. See page 17 for more details.

Finis!


End file.
